Monday, 10 October 2005
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A few months ago, my adult sons visited me from the Northeast. Moms have a hard time stepping back and allowing their sons to grow and develop without feeling an almost physical sense of losing an appendage or their sense of personal identify. One has to reinvent oneself. So, with a bit of a shove from them last December, I've been paying more attention to me and starting to recognize that I can actually be someone I'd like to know.
I work at a school district in administration - I'm a glorified secretary and somewhat embarrassed to say so. To me, it means that I didn't do well enough in highschool to attend a good college and blew it at the second rate "college" I did attend for barely 1 year - I was a flop. So, I started working and being on my own at 19, earning the minimum wage and finally at 58 have broken the $30K a year salary mark. So, my much younger friends, education certainly could have given me more alternatives. Although I'm not unhappy making others look good - there's some pride in that - typical woman - it would be nice to command an excellent salary and the respect that goes with the job that might account for it.
One day I'd like to be considered by some as "that neat old lady". Well, I'd especially like to earn that respect by my sons. So, I've lots of inner molding to do and will let you know how I progress.
Good evening for now.
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Comments (7)
aww hey auntie. Yah I will prepare this whole week for it. Ya I do think its good to be slightly bit apprehensive about a test. I hope the apprehension does not overwhelm me. *sigh*. Miss you a lot.HOpe i will be able to come see you soon.
Lots of love,
Divya
Hey Auntie,
Well yah I study really hard for it and from what i hear i might have done okay on the test. Hope it went well dun wanna jinx it :) heh not htat I'm superstcious. Yah a certain someone keeps me sane though :).
luv yah
divi
I needed to read your entry today. I'd almost forgotten that it never too late for anything
Thank you
Hi, compliments of the season to you too, thank you for your lovely note, and im glad you liked my picture. I should be hear for another year and a half at least. Im on a seismic acuisition vessel so we cant dock. (this is a working cruise-tho it doesent feel like one most of the time)
Your son really is very talented, and im sure he will do very well if he takes photography up as a profession.
Sixpennyorth
A lot of what you said made sense - we live in a world that defines people by what they do, that tells them that they are worth only the number of degrees they have or the amount of money they make. It's such a narrow view - I've never been able to understand it.
To me every person I meet is such a rich tapestry of talents and knowledge and experiences, each different, each with something to offer - things that may have nothing to do with their eduction or job profile. Take the assistant in our lab for example - he's not very well educated (and that in India means that he probably didn't even finish school) and he doesn't earn very much (though he's been working for decades and is due to retire in 2 years), but I've never heard him grumble a day in the 5 years I've known him. No matter how stressed out he is, how much work he has (and he has a LOT of work) he's always smiling and kidding around; he'll even offer to do our work when he thinks we're tired or need to leave early or just because he has some free time! If there's one thing I want to learn from my time here (apart from my subject, of course ;) ), it's that attitude, that spirit, 'cause I'm a terrible whiner :-/ Life needs you to know so many skills that you can't learn at school.
I thought while reading your post that perhaps you feel that you don't have your own identity, and that a better education or job would have given you that, given you the respect that we all crave. But you do have an identity - it's who you are as a person, what your values / talents / aspirations are, how you live your life - and that's all yours, you don't owe that to anyone. It's probably just waiting for you to notice it. As for your sons, I'm willing to wager that you already have their respect :)
I'm sorry this has been such a long comment, but I really wanted to share this with you. We women are taught to be daughters and wives and mothers before we are allowed to be people - my mother's the same - I suppose that's why your post struck a chord with me. I wish you well with your voyage of self-discovery, and look forward to reading more on your blog soon. Take care :)